Uncomfortable. I’m not comfortable with feeling things. So when I am in a situation where I start to, though I try…I can’t seem to allow myself to remain vulnerable long.

The walls go back up, and no matter how hard you try, I won’t let you in….and you’ll go on with your life, and I with mine…and I’ll always wonder about you, and wonder if you think of me too.

I will learn to ignore the ache for something different, for something better…for you.

And I hope you can forgive me, and ignore the pain I cause too.

with school, work, longboarding, and life coming at me full force…I haven’t had the time to post like I would like to. But, I’m stoked on life. Period. Whether I have a wonderful day, or a terrible one, life is awe-inspiring. Maybe, because it’s fleeting…how in an instant, it can be snatched from you. I appreciate mine, I have been through hell and back…I’ve seen some awful things for a girl my age, and I’ve been through worse. But I guess, it’s only made me stronger. It’s crazy but, sometimes I look back on situations I’ve endured and I honestly wonder how I haven’t gone insane…how I haven’t been broken.

I can only think of one possibility: I was designed for this. I think, I was designed to be tested, challenged, and to face things that ordinary people would cringe at.

Maybe I sound egotistical, I’m not. For a long time I didn’t know what it was to love anyone else, especially myself. I’m not saying I’m better than anyone else at handling the “tough stuff” but, I embrace it…I crave it.

I find, the night is somewhat of a comfort zone for me. I’m alert, and aware…content.

I do my best thinking at night. And there is so much to be thought about lately, thoughts of my future are especially thrilling. I’m moving to California…San Diego, California. Now, the folks here at home don’t take me seriously, but my savings account says otherwise. I’ve been saving for months and I have accrued quite a tidy sum. Of course finding a place to live and having a stable job are factors that cross my mind, but you have to take risks to find true happiness. I will be happy.